we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize