it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
