If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
