i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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