that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize