saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
