I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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