My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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