You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
