I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
