He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
