Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My vagina just clenched in fear
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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