i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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