Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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