I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
