i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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