I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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