Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
