I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My dick has a subreddit
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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