Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
