i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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