oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
