So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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