it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
