If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
