They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
