sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
