My room smells like vodka and shame
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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