Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
