In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
