I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
