I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
