yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
