giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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