Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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