No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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