I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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