Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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