You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize