just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
