Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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