Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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