It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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