My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
