i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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