Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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