You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
