Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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