Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize