Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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