Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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