We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
we should paint friendship bongs
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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