I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I wish there were birth control emojis
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
