Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize