ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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