we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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