You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
