Where did you get a picture of my penis
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
