Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
