Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
