Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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