you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
