I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
