does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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