I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Someone came in the potted fern
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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