Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize