I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize