Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Bring me that man meat
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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