Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
