White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
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