dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you never un-have a 4some
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
