Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize