She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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