he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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