Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
