Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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