What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
