Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
