I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
