Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize