so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
