there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize