I am in a vortex of obligation.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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