it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
