I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
