There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
