The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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