Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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