Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Randomize
