You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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