If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
