I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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