One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
