Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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