just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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