i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
