Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
