Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
