filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
