you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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